and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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