i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
