I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
