I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
