I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
