i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
