please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
