i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
