And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
