Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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