It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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