weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
