when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
