My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
