The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
