i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
