Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Terrible idea I love it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
