My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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