thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
