she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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