ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
