You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
