4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
