Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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