dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
