You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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