She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
