FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
