His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
