he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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