peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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