Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
