i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
