Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
