Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
