I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If that was your dad, he is hot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
