Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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