Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
