he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
