with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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