im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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