I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
