Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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