do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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