I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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