May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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