I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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