I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
