So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
