I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
