I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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