we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
