im gay
i know
yea but for you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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